Saturday, December 1, 2012

Weddings weddings everywhere

I think this is the 3rd cycle I'm observing. Young couples begin dating, engagement parties, wedding party.. Then screaming babies...

Sigh! I've been through three rounds of this and I'm not even that old. All these within 10 years or more with the same guy.

Sometimes I feel sad. What girls don't dream about their big day, the planning weeks, months and years in advance.

Sometimes I ask myself this.. Is it really worth it? He loves being in control and usually I don't mind as I prefer going with the flow. But at times I feel like kicking myself especially when he comes home moody and I have to ride the wave for the next few hours.

I've put up with him since 2003 (did i mentioned we had a history waaaaaay before then? That would made a good story one of these days and will put to light for those people who thinks he's the sweetest guy out there) where his indecisiveness should have chased many a girls away. Our relationship throughout those years consist of him never being at home, while working for months overseas or interstates (not to mention all those crazy parties/clubs he loves going to) I still stood by him except for the time in 2008 when I packed my bags and left for London, in the hope of a fresh start away from him, work and everything else.

I made the mistake of letting him back in, all his promises and all. Gave everything up again to 'move' to Sweden for a few months where all I could do was cook, clean and wash at home. So, again I decided to return home to Australia to find work, to feel that I can still find work. During that time most of his friends and family had the idea that it was ME who left him when he's ready to settle down and have a family. Afterall he just proposed (2-3 months after I've decided to pack and return home) . I was there from February, - May/June when I had enough of staying home, had chicken pox and was sick for a whole month and totally hated the cold and the loneliness (he spent Valentine weekend in Norway with his best mate), in Denmark at least 2-3 days each week. I knew he had the ring since Dec, held on to it for months. I decided to leave in May and started booking tickets etc home, it still took him until Midsummer to propose (June/July). Bought an apartment A WEEK before I left. What does that tell you about his character at times? Isn't it ALL about him? He's proposed, bought a place to live for us, so I should just throw away my plans and follow him, no?

I did promised him I'll return but I needed to do my own thing, return home and start working to have my own income in and start some sort of business on the side which will still allow me to travel around.

In the mean time I still wanted to set a date for a wedding. And what did I hear? Him pouring his heart out to his friends about how I'm never there, I left and what kind of relationship is this we are having as we weren't even living together. Seriously!?!

On top of the parties and clubbing he was rocking up in Stockholm and all the drinking he was doing. Having a blast. Meanwhile while I was back in Melbourne, living the 'good girl' life. working, occasional socialising, be back by 10pm while his mother kept telling me how lonely his poor son is and I should really return back to Stockholm for him.

Imagine my surprise when I finally returned to Stockholm. (Aug 2011) He was sick (too much iron in his blood problem. imagine how much partying and drinking he was doing while I was away) we did a 3 weeks road trip with his parents and when they left, boy, did he introduced me to his blonde party friendS whom he's met at his favourite club. All the ladies love him telling me how lovely he is and that they are glad to finally meet me so they can be sure I'm good enough for him. Like.. Seriously, WTF? And in the same sentence asking me why I wouldn't let him come out with them to the club. This is like 12am -1 am after having crayfish party at our place. He was drunk and so were most of his leech sucking friends. Of course she didn't mention about the free cab rides, free entrance to the night club, free drinks they will be getting from him. WTF puts up with his antics?? Oh! Me of course. So, now he knows how much I hated them, he of course now meets up with them behind my back!

Anyway, back to our wedding plans. We decided to return back to Aus for Christmas and New Year as I had to leave Sweden for a few months ( I'm still living here as a tourist), set a registration date in Aus. (For Jan 2012) so, I contacted and made arrangements with the town hall and registrar to be married on the date we agreed on, I told a few friends, my whole family. Then, he decided while in Aus he doesn't want to go with it as he's having problem with his apartment and might need to return back to Sweden earlier AND he's worried about his health blah blah.. More excuses.. While telling some of his gfs back home that he's not sure .. And we were in such a 'strange' relationship .. Like WTF?? So, the date of the registry came and went.. He's still in Australia. Seriously, if he doesn't want to go ahead with the wedding , don't freaking make lame ass excuses . I was so angry with with my family laughing and slightly confused.. And what bout the people I told about the date of the registry?? Made me look like a fucking moron. But seriously, it's all about him! Meanwhile I kept reminding him it's hard for me to get my visa and wouldn't us being married helped? But no, he'll sort it out!

So, I stayed in Oz until March, and again made the journey back to Sweden to be with 'its all about me'. Wtf puts up with all these???

With my visa again coming to expiration, now it's a race of getting our registry on track again. I found a nice little cafe which I thought would be great but of course he wants it at a fancy hotel with 'class'. I mean hey, he's paying right? Or did he ask me to split half with him in front of his friend just a few weeks before? Oh yep. Classy. He thinks his jokes are just funny.

At the moment I'm so furious about everything. We still haven't had confirmation of a venue ( registry is in 2 weeks, and no invites sent) because of course it's all up to him. He wants something classy because it's after all his wedding. Dressed to impressed and all. I suggested making my own flower bouquet with flowers made from feathers and fabrics that I could made myself but the look I got was.. Shouldn't we use fresh flowers??

At the moment, I've given up and I CBF.

Welcome to my happy life!!