Monday, December 2, 2013

For all the women out there, how well trained is your partner domestically?

After over 10 years together and nearly a year of marriage, I'm starting to question myself.  Why didn't I train S when I first had the chance.  Living here in Stockholm and watching my expats friends and their partners, it never cease to amaze me that the men here are very domesticated.

When having dinners or lunches at their place,  it's always the men who gets up to bring the food out or to clear the dishes while the women sit there chatting with the guests.  Me?  My man sits there on the couch like the king while I had to slave away in the kitchen, cooking, bringing out the food and later, clearing up.  Help with preparation of food beforehand?  You can well forget it!

We had so many dinners and parties here at our place and I have just come to realised, not once has he ever offered to help in anyway unless I made a fuss or bitch about it for hours.

I could only dream....

I remembered a reason 'pot luck' dinner he threw for his work team mates where I'm supposed to be doing minimal work as everyone will be bringing a dish... and on the invite specifically it states:  My wife and I will be making entree and dessert.  errr.. My wife and I?  Making?  Really?  Try The wife will be making everything while I sit here on my ass.  So, again I had to prepare and on the night of the dinner, while I was making things in the kitchen, while trying to yell for the Maharaja to come help, he send his 'teams' to the kitchen to help instead...  Yep.. The women!  Seriously =P  I think by this time I was just about to give up.

To be fair, when you ask him to do something, he'll do it, but if you don't give him any directions, he'll sit there and watch you clear the dishes.  Or when I yelled "S!  Can you help please?!?"  He'll jump up from his seat, shouting excitedly, "Yes! Yes! What can I do?" while looking quite lost.

This is an even better dream...

I believe all this starts from home.  Observing him at his parents from very early on, he'll eat and leave all his dishes in the sink expecting the cleaning fairy to magically clean up after him.  You'll be lucky as that's the only thing he'll do.  The rest of the dishes on the table.  You can forget it.  Someone else will of course clear the table, wipe and wash the dishes.  Which means that will be me helping his parents as I have to help out when I'm at his parents or I'll come looking like an unhelpful slob ;P

Even now, here at home, he'll finish his dinner, get up and recline on the couch, leaving his plate sitting on the dining table.  After having yelled at him numerous times, he's now a lot more helpful.  He'll at least move his dishes into the sink.  Washing up though is going to be hard.

Last night, he looked like he was cleaning up.. and I was actually quite impressed... But when I woke up this morning, dishes were waiting for me and the sink was filthy.  It looked like he was on the verge of cleaning, but something else caught his attention and he forgot about what he was doing and wandered off.  *sigh*

I guess the fault lies in me.  Moving here and not being able to work, I always thought it was my job to cook and clean since he works.  So, however much of a slob he was, I had to grit my teeth and pick up his dirty socks all over the floor, in different rooms, washed his clothes,  clean the place and make sure things are 'sort of' tidy and a hot meal waiting for him when he comes home.  As long as he doesn't bitch at me about not bringing in any income, I shouldn't really harp on about having to clean up after him right?  Really?

I would love to hear him say just a handful of times,  "Let me cook and clean while you sit there and relax, my precious"  "While you are sitting there, should I hoover and wash the clothes as well?"  It's not too much to ask right?

The men and women are so equal here in Sweden.  Both partners work and both help each other out domestically, no matter who brings home the most income.  But I've been to an expat friend's place and her partner obviously is the bread winner but he cooks and cleans more than mine ever would.  So, thoughts, anyone?  It'll be most welcome!


The purrrrfect house hubby!