How does one become so bitter with such young age? I'm hoping I do not go through that path, or perhaps I'm already on that particular path.
I had a friend whom I knew for a few years, but when I left Australia for London, during one of our conversation with her (or was it when I went back to Oz for a holiday) she mentioned repeatedly how all her good friends are pushovers and that is why she gets on so well with them - Namely Me. From then on, I think my end of the relationship with her soured slightly.
and I did the biggest biggest of betrayal... I contacted her ex while I was in the country where he was.. to help me with meeting up with a contact for a factory when I was there - not to meetup with him for a good time, but to help me when I needed it. (although he didn't ended up going with me and my contact person, we did meet up) My fault for not realising this is the person who so gleefully told everyone how much of a pushover I am. Let's us not forget this is the person who 'boycotted' anything 'Singaporean' during my first couple of years of knowing her because her then ex was Singaporean... Bitter, anyone?
Last year, when I went home to Australia, I've actually debated if I should informed her. After discussing with a couple of mutual friends, I decided to perhaps tell her a little later during my time in Oz. Unfortunately, circumstances prevented. Namely, I was living for a couple of months at her place, and then I was busy searching for job, and started work and also, she was busy cutting certain friends from her life at that time. Two within that one or two months as they decided to go out/date her 'fuckbuddy' at that time. So, I thought, maybe not now, much later...
But of course things do tend to come and bite me on my ass when I'm being naughty. Yes, she found out, and all hell broke loose, and she broke off all contact with me, starting on.. *cough* Facebook. Yep, not a 'Good Bye' or 'So Long'. Just a huge bitching on her status, and next thing I was *deleted* from her Facebook.
For some reason I was thinking about her this morning, and this brought back all the memories - good and bad. I've known her for quite a while - since her first year in Melbourne, I think totally 5 years or more. Shame I know. Considering we were quite good friends (or so I thought at that time). Keeping her company when she had to go places - dentist (running around catching the train and bus), getting S to take us over an hour journey to pick up her precious cat when she first bought him... You know, little things, trying to organise her a special gift on her 30th, while I was all the way in London while her Melbournian friends were so much close by and noone thought about it.
I admitted I was in the wrong, and I shouldn't have done what I've done, but if I had known anyone else there, I would have approached them, rather than her ex. That's one thing I've never done before until that day - contacting a friend's ex, but I guess what is done is done.
It still buggers me that I've tried approaching her - twice to apologize, but I never heard a word from her. So, I did the best thing I had to do, I cut her out from my life too. I guess life goes on.
I just need to swallow my bitterness about the whole affair. Considering what I had to put up with since my childhood, sometimes I wonder if I'm actually alright. I think I look alright, and I 'try' to behave alright, but who knows right? =P
Let me pop a nice sweet candy in my mouth to get rid of the bitterness that is swelling up..
