Bored expats wives in Singapore

I know it's been a while since I last put down my thoughts.. 

We travelled, we ate and there's so many things I wanted to write down to remember, but I kept running out of time.. Or I forgot ;( ohh those memories.. Oh well.. ;(

Anyway, last night, I finally met up with a bunch of expats ladies(wives). They were lovely! Some had kids, some not, some are working, others are ladies of leisure. Some really amazing ladies out there. One particular one made me pause for thought..

An Aussie from Melbourne.. First thought, awww how nice ! Then she opened her mouth..  Snippets of our conversation for the next 10 mins -  "Oh yeah I live in Box Hill, there's sooo many Asians there" . I nod and laughed and agreed and said "it's like a Chinatown there, much better than Chinatown itself in Melbourne" then conversations moved to children.. She continued.. "I 

don't work. I have 3! But I'm always so bored!!"  Then helpers.. "Yes I have 1 but only for the last 2 months" Then paying for helpers and justifying it.. "I'm paying for her family rice paddy in the backyard".. This was said jokingly.. Of course... "It makes me feel like I'm doing something good!" Hmm... "She's a really good cook and love to clean!  So, really, there's nothing to do. That's why I'm so bored!" Oh yeah, I'm sure!  "She cooked us beef rendang and my brother tasted it and love it so much, he took down the recipe and decided to put it into his restaurant's menu back in Wangaratta!" Right-to!  I hope she gets some acknowledgement for that? "I told him, he better take a photo of it and I'll show it to her!" Oh!  "She's a lovely girl, but is not all together there... Some things she can't comprehend! But I like how she's trying to better herself!" "She signed up for a course! Some English course or something and it cost only $150! And she was sooo happy I paid for it!  It was nothing! It's only $150! So cheap! For 6 months!" Wow! Bless her heart.. Generous as well ...

I'm not sure.. Are all us Aussies like this? I doubt she meant any harm in what she says but it's interesting nonetheless.

But I had a lovely evening, mingling around talking to so many nationalities and personalities in a room. Some are loud and chirpy while others are shy and slightly reserved.. Singapore, a real melting pot of cultures.  I have really missed that.

Settling into life in Singapore...

Returning to Asia, to my roots is not as easy as I originally thought.  Being born in Malaysia and studied my primary school here, I thought it should be quite a breeze adjusting to the culture.

But, I guess I've been living away for so long and settling into life here has been quite an awakening.  It's totally different if you are just on holiday, or transiting through for a few nights on route to Australia or back to Europe.

So, here are a list of things I've noticed:

1.  It's so humid here.  I'm soaking wet in sweat just after coming out from the shower.  I find it best to switch on the air conditioning, have a shower and come back to the room to get changed.  Then, you'll still be nice and cool when you leave the house instead of pouring with sweat and needing another shower straight after!

2.  Being of Chinese appearance and not being able to converse probably in Mandarin, I've had old ladies frowned at me asking me if I'm a Japanese and if not, why can't I speak Mandarin.  hmm.. I'll usually retort that I'm not local =P  I've then learnt to just nod and smile and let them speak.  It's hard to ignore them as I tend to frequent hawkers centre or food courts where you need to share your table.  So, note me nodding continuously throughout my meal and smiling.. and uttering 'Shi' (yes).  Thankfully, I'm slowly picking off some cobwebs from my Mandarin language box stored in my head.  By the end of the meal, sometimes I can string 3 - 4 words in Mandarin to them and wave 'Zaijian" (bye) at them.

3.  The elderly which we should always refer to as uncles and aunties.. I find the uncles a lot nicer and more patient than the aunties.  The uncles are less likely to judge and will happily speak to me in English.  But keep in mind, if they can't speak English, they are definitely from mainland China not Singaporeans...

4.  I find a lot of locals speak Hokkien, which can be a fun especially at the Hawker's stalls! =)  They always seem so pleased when I start ordering in Hokkien.  Made their day and mine too! Cue me looking so proud!

4.  The locals seem to dislike anything from mainland China and anyone from China for that matter.  Overhearing an aunty speaking haughtily to her own friend who was pointing excitedly at some food from the hawker's stall.  "Those are China.  Don't eat lah.  You don't know what they put in there!"  Ouch!  Some truth in it!  but.. hmm.. I think she forgot that we are all originally from China...  But seriously, Chinese brand of anything has a bad reputation.  There's so many food contamination of such and the locals prefer to support their local people instead of supporting the mainland Chinese who are very aggressive in their approach

5.  Queuing.. Hmm.. What queue, seriously.. It's non existence here! I've had one too many times while I wait patiently for the guy in front of me at the counter while some aunty or uncle or worst, someone younger than me, just swooped in and straight to the counter making their request.. err.. helllo???  I miss the Swedish ticket system!  A bit tedious but so damn orderly!!

6.  The term "Ang Mo" - how some expat wives get all in arms about it.  To me, being born in Malaysia and being hokkien, I grew up with that term.  It actually means red (ang) hair (moh) and referred to caucasian in general.  There's no other term to describe caucasians unfortunately, and some finds it offensive as the term in cantonese, "gwei lo" translate into ghost person/chap.  But seriously, these are not meant to be of an offence, so, don't get angry if you hear that term

7.  Buses are a good way to travel, there's single or double decker, air conditioning and there's always a seat no matter when I catch the bus (it helps if it's during off peak hour ;) )  It's a cheap way to travel too!  There's hardly any caucasians on them which surprised me a bit.... I guess they prefer the MRT or.. cabs!  Seriously, you should really catch one here.  I find the time difference between catching the MRT and buses are just 5 minutes at the most and you get to view the city from the top of the double decker!  I guess it's easier for me as I'm usually alone, with no kids and in no hurry to get to one place

8.  How clean the streets are..  No matter where I am or what time of the day it is.. The streets are seriously clean.. even alleyways!!!

9.  Pretty sad sight.  I think Singapore is the only city I've been to where the elderly are still working to their bones..  Stockholm, the elderly will be out having fika, or walking their miniature dogs. Here...  It's work work work till they all collapse.  Seriously.. hard manual labour, clearing dirty cups and dishes from hawkers centres, driving trucks and unloading heavy boxes.. My heart seriously gave out when I see them.  I still can't get over it..

Anyway, here are some photos I took on Sunday, where it was a tad cloudy... just around Clark Quay...

How clean is this alleyway... The air conditioning units are a laugh though..  It's hot here.. but.. hmm...

Someone drying their laundry out on the streets =P

Clark Quay

A bunch of kids waving hello from the boat!

Pretty cloudy day.. but hey.. it's still pretty! =)

Till next time!

Xx

Finally.. Time to say goodbye to Sweden

Can't believe it's officially here.. It's autumn... And... We are finally leaving...

Walking around in the mostly empty apartment, I can't believe how an empty house echoes.. 2 weeks of mad packing (lots of procrastinating in between) and everything came to a dramatic conclusion yesterday.. 

The removalists came, packed and moved nearly everything away. Started with 4 people at 8 am but there were at least 6 of them by 4-5 pm.. Cue lots of fikas in between ;) but it's a lot of work!

We still have a few days left before we fly out, so, we are still enjoying the last few days of cold before the crazy humid weather greets us =)) (lots of cleaning today, unfortunately ;((( )

One thing I've learned from my stay here in Sweden? Enjoy life, enjoy the whole new experience living in a foreign country and making new friends... Ladies who moved because of their other halves?  Don't sit around and moan about the locals, the weather or how much they hate it here.. Before bitching or moaning about each other.  Embrace everything around you and learn to enjoy the positives.. Anything could happen in a few weeks or months from then..  

Life is complicated as it is, it's better to let go of bad vibes, backstabbing, fake so called friends who use you. I'll remember the good old times and the bad will just be a distant memory. Actions do speak louder than a few fakes 'oh darlings' or 'I miss her' utterings. 

Until then, hej då Sverige.. 

Xx

Swedish election

Looks like a new government is now in power in Sweden since Sunday's election.  What really concerns me is how fast will they change their immigration policy...

I've never thought that Sweden is a racist country but there's always this undertone of their dislike for immigrants (usually the refugees).  But hey, I'm an immigrant too.  What will that hold for us? What about the hundred thousand of refugees that Sweden had taken over the years.  I've heard that the current government wants to cut immigration by 90%...  90%?  Seriously....

It's sad, after all these years, every country still has its undertone of racism no matter how much they deny it.  Living in Malaysia, Australia, London and now Stockholm, I can pretend that no such racism exist but there's not always the case.  The 'locals' are friendly with big smiles on their face, but if you live in each place long enough, you'll start noticing things, hearing things..

It's always the case of "They took our job".  "Unemployments are high"  "They get all these benefits - such as free housings, money just to attend SFI (Swedish for Immigrants)"

But seriously, without all these immigrants, who will now do the dirtiest jobs the 'locals' refuse to do as it pays 'too little' or it's 'too beneath' them.  Like one of the students at school was telling me just last week..  "Who will make our pizzas??"

I really don't see why people are upset the immigrants are working.  They are paying back tax.  But I have to say it annoys the crap out of me when I find out able, working immigrants who made full use of the generous health system here in Sweden pays nothing back while they are earning a substantial chunk of money outside of Sweden.  This aren't refugee either =P

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what will happen in the next few weeks and months..

Visiting Stockholm

I have an ex work colleague from London coming over for a visit with her husband today... For over 2 weeks.  She's a lot older and thankfully does not have the insecurities of the younger crowds here I used to hang out with.  

Was a bit gobsmacked when she emailed me her flight details. We usually have visitors coming over for the weekend or perhaps 5 days maximum. (Not counting S's parents who were here over a month years ago... But that was different...)

Stockholm is a lovely city.. But 2 weeks? I'm not even sure what they can do for a week here, let alone 2 weeks... Can you?  

Had a gf over for a couple of nights from London a couple of weeks ago and I thought we managed to squeeze in most things within 2 days... Walking to and from the city, we manage to drag things out slightly longer..

Unfortunately, I'm in my hermit mode, which means I'm not too keen to socialise or going out at the moment as well.. ;( my finances is looking rather shocking as I haven't worked for over two months due to the summer holidays.

Boo! Dreading the coming winter.. End of October is coming up too slow for me.. 

Happy Friday! =)

Sunshine and children...

Went back to school last week after a long summer vacation and boy!  Never ceased to amaze me how much these teenagers grow!  There's so many kids with just baby face before summer vacation and now... They are tall!!  It's like sunshine + children = growth!

Lots of growth..  Height wise.. and for the adults?  Side wise...  Guess summer vacation = lots of eating for everyone ;)

End of summer vacation, which means one thing.....  Winter is coming.....

Are we all looking forward to the coming winter?  I am... because by end of next month..  It'll be, so long Sweden!  So long Europe!

I'm excited =)

Xx

Running out of space and planning to resize your images smaller to save on space?

Don't ever do it....  Seriously.  Worst decision ever from my part.  I was running badly out of space but was too lazy to transfer all my images to our main drive and decided to save all my images into the smallest format.

Then, a few days later, when I tried to open up the images and re-enlarge them, I realised that the damage is done. Once you resize smaller, there's no way you could change it back to a bigger size without dire consequences.

*cries*

So,

Never...

Resize...

Your...

Photos....

Smaller...

EVER!!!!


Even to save space...

Thankfully it's only 2 folders or so..  I've been uploading them onto flickr but of course I forgot to upload these 2 folders anywhere..  Now, everything in there are ruin.. RUUUUIN..

*waaails*
Not a very happy May

A bit harsh, but it made me smile!

Found this floating on the net which I thought was quite appropriate.. 

Sometimes having girlfriends surrounding you is a blessing. Other times, not so much.  Why do we as a woman enjoy such vicious past time?  We all love a bit of gossip, but when it starts getting vicious and repetitive, best to get out and find yourself friends who will influence you in a positive way.  

For those who enjoys this too much, best to use those 'energy' into something positive and do something worth while with it.. 

Cheers xx

Why do some jokes and insults hurt more than others?

Why do we laugh and shrug when someone jokes or insults us? Why do we get so hurt at other times?

Jokes and insults are usually uttered at the spur of the moment.  Usually in anger or in jest.  Unfortunately for all parties involved, once the hurtful words are uttered carelessly, they will never be forgotten.

For me, I've had jokes and insults thrown at me and for the most part I shrug and laugh it off but I realised being called a pushover or anything resembling a doormat hurts the most.

Which brings me to some questions I have been asking myself.  Why do fat people hate being called fat? Why do losers hate being called a loser and why do pushovers hate being called just that? 

Why?

Because there is always some truth in whatever jokes/insults aimed at us and we as a human are sensitive to our own faults.

So, from now onwards, I'll have to learn to say "no" more often and stop being overly generous to everyone I meet and stop accepting things as the way they are. It's better to walk away from a situation early on instead of regretting them later on.  Yes!  That lingering bitter taste in my mouth when I realised I have been used - Not a very nice feeling at all!

Sheesh... What a heavy topic to dwell on for a Monday, especially on my holiday ;)

So, here's to images of rainbows and puppies filling every corner of our thoughts for the rest of the week! =)

Xx

Waiting game

We have been playing this game since the start of the year. At least with each month we are a few percentile closer to the big question of - Are we or aren't we? At least, since last Thursday, from the other side of the world, it is finally official.. *sigh of relief* Here.. On the other hand, we are still playing the waiting game.

All these thoughts of excitement, (Closer to home! A new scenery! Work!? Hopefully! Food!) fear (prejudice, going back to my roots, somewhat.. Can I find work after a hiatus of at least 3-4 years? I realised I haven't been in a proper office setting in that long and age and experience is no longer on my side...) sadness (not wanting anymore new changes. Have I not planted my roots already?) more fear (what ifs? Maybe all these months have just been a joke and we are all still stuck here) anger (all these are we or aren't we? crap is getting ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!) 

The more I keep thinking about it, the more the muscles around my neck and shoulders start tightening up.. >_<

I still can't talk too much about it unfortunately as not all the appropriate channels have been informed which also means.... More tightening of my muscles ;p

Then, the man is safely home, his fingers entwined in mine, teasing and laughing away my insecurities.  Then, when I'm snuggled deep into his arms, everything is forgiven. All is well. After all, tomorrow is another day..

Xx

Am I too insensitive? If so, I am sorry

It is interesting how some people like to update their Facebook statuses trying to get sympathies.  I get angry and I let it sit for ages and then unleash it all out..  Which doesn't help I guess.. =P  but... I find it sad when people keep using Facebook statuses to 'try' and get their message across to certain people.

I am usually very tolerant with people but when I need space, I try to keep away, but unfortunately, I still find it very hard in saying no.  Then the sweet laid back May is gone and the very mean May make her appearance. Unfortunately, most people have a cruel streak in them.. Me included.

So, I should really be apologetic for my previous rant about a certain someone or someones.  It is entirely my fault that I started lashing out at people around me.

I have always been very tolerant with a certain friend.  Truth be told, I liked her, right from the start.  She's always been sweet and kind and for that I have always thought it is OK to tolerate a lot of her behaviour.  Unfortunately, she's always had a problem or two with her health which of course made me feel concerned and even more obliged to try and help her in any way.

Unfortunately, with things happening in my life, in the last month or so, I had less time to be more sympathetic and more time to let resentment grow.  Her behaviour from past which I thought was OK, starts grating on me.  When she's healthy or feeling ill, I still felt her demands are always the same.  Very expectant of others because Hey!  I am ill!  So, dibs on this and that first.  I really don't think it's fair to use your illness on everything.  I used the word lazy in my previous rant, but perhaps, I should have used the word expectant.  Very expectant that someone else will always pick up after her.  Yep!  I felt really used.  We are all equals here, why do we always feel the need to always accommodate one individual...

I have family and friends who are ill and never had I feel any anger or resentment towards them.  I've always been sympathetic, unfortunately, when one starts stating that I am judging them because of their invisible illnesses, it kind of boggles me.  I especially admire those who are ill and kept quiet about their illnesses, so as not to be judged or be treated differently from others.  Then you find out and it's like.. Wow!! I never knew.. But wow!  Respect! .. but then, of course there are others that like to advertise all the time about how ill they are.

But truly, is there really any excuse for bad behaviour?  Does it allow them to always have the best of everything while being a guest at someone's house time after time?  Is it OK to use their visible 'illness' (ok.. I wouldn't even call it an illness if it's the way you live) to make excuses for bad behaviour - Every behaviour and why she does something?  Yep!  There's an excuse for everything.  I guess I started to resent that.  Not because of her illness.  I've walked a lot with her, walking her pace and not minding it one bit and I've never ever cared for any explanation in regards to that.  

While I type this out, I really have to admit, I do feel guilty.  Not being able to express myself right from the start, and not being able to form words to explain why I wasn't happy and why I have been so stressed and letting small bad behaviours I never used to mind piled up into a mountain.  One teeny spark, from a certain something or someone and everything just went up in flames.  Maybe this is my mid-life crisis. (If not, then I'm screwed! I am so not looking forward to another resentment holding me!)

I do feel really sorry if it has caused her more distress, but I wish, she would stop advertising everything she does on Facebook.  Maybe I need to stop using it so much but when I was having my mini break down and needing time off from everyone, it doesn't help that I felt she was rubbing my face in with every little bibs and bobs she's doing with every Mary, Jane & Susie!  Then the thought suddenly occurred to me.  Maybe she did all these not because she wants everyone to be envious about what a great life she leads but because deep down, she's actually trying to convince herself... 

So, I just had a face palm moment and  I'm going to stop ranting and try and to be more tolerant..  I didn't start this blog to air my anger and resentment towards people I know. It's supposed to be about fun happy things.. Things I enjoy which I can read back and remember all the good, fun happy memories I've experienced...

But as the hubby keeps reminding me..  "You ladies have nothing to do and have too much time on your hands.  You spend too much time gossiping!"  *Shame faced*

Anyway, Peace Out!

Time to rise and shine!

I have been moping around the house,  feeling sorry for myself since we came back from our Kiruna trip.

I've even missed the insane bright sunlight which pierced through the stained glass door and window with the too short blinds in our cabin at 3am...

The weather in Stockholm has been cold and wet... 

Guess it's time to wake up.. Wash this face of mine, get rid of the faint line of moustache and get out of the house. Time to face the world and meet new people.

Oh my.. I really can't wait to pack and leave to new ventures.. I think I've had enough of Sweden >_<

Here's a picture of me, looking determined, water rafting in Kiruna at around 8pm. That was fun! =)

Xx

Do I write so loudly it annoys people?

Today, I had the most interesting experience at my SFI.  Firstly, what is SFI?  It's an abbreviation for Swedish for Immigrant.  It's free and provided by the Swedish government and depending on which SFI you attend, you'll have either a group of working professional who attend SFI in the evening after work or if you attend the day classes, it's mostly filled with love refugees, refugees, students or asylum seekers.

I've attended SFI in the evening which means, people attending are a lot more educated and have better manners.  These are people who have degrees or are professionals.  Attending in the day time, you could have a mix of educated students or just FOB (Fresh off boat).  Don't get me wrong.  My current class have some lovely people and there's a mixture of students, professionals, even refugees and asylum seekers and they have all been quite lovely.

So, today, during the last hour of class where we had to write a page or so of what our 'Summer Memories' are in Swedish, I was sitting next to a young Chinese girl.  While writing with a pencil on a single paper on a wooden table; I was told that the 'tuk, tuk, tuk' writing of my pencil on paper was too loud and she couldn't concentrate and I need to write quietly.  Seriously???  I had only written about 4 lines in the last 15 minutes.  When she said that, I was too shocked.. All I could say was 'Seriously?'  After giving me 5 minutes, she decided to grab her paper and pencil and asked if it's OK for her to move.  Eff Off, bitch, do I look like I give a shit?  All I said was I don't care.  Do what you want!  So, it ended with her moving to the back of the class to finish writing her 'novel' in peace and quiet, away from the 'tuk' 'tuk' 'tuk' sound of my pencil.

What the f*ck is wrong with some people.  Does my breathing annoys you as well?  Is that too loud??  Considering I had to sit next to her the whole day (group discussion where she was freaking annoying, forcing her opinion down my throat as mine was different from everyone else) and then leading up to that last hour of class, she was not even saying it nicely.  Fucking rude Chinese, seriously!

And no, I'm not being racist.  My background is Chinese and I'll be the first to admit that Chinese people have no manners and mainland Chinese are the worst.  Seriously, learn some manners and stop thinking the world revolves around you!!

*** END RANT ***

Time out

Sometimes I love being surrounded by people, but sometimes I need time to be alone. Alone time is great for me to recharge and not having to behave properly and be nice to people or even to talk.

I have been feeling it for the past couple of weeks where I get frustrated and annoyed over little things.  From being laid back most times to getting irritated and biting off people's head over a simple thing as them making fun of my 'full name' cos they think it's funny. Usually I let it slide but man! I was annoyed.. 

I need time out and I dislike having to explain myself, trying to find an excuse why I just don't feel the need to be out socialising all the time, especially today.

True, I don't work full time or study full time so, I should have plenty of alone time but ... I still have to go to school every morning during weekdays and having to work whenever I get a 6am call.    So, 1 whole day of not seeing anyone at all is ... Really, really nice. 

Mood swings and being tired.. Time to burrow myself into my hole for the next few days...

Sorry folks! 

High School Reunion...

Well... I can't believe it's been that long.  From getting annoying reminders on FaceBook asking us to RSVP and more reminders to pay up for the BIG reunion.

Yep!  The big 2 0 years reunion.  I can't believe it's been 20 years since I left high school.  Has it really been that long?  Really?  Boy!  Do I feel old.

But seriously, who keep track of such things.  All I remembered from my teenage years were lots of anger, confusion and can't wait to grow up and leave the hell hole of a school..  Although there's some fun and happy moments in there with some friends.  Some teachers were really sweet too.  I still haven't forgotten while studying at uni, I was selling tickets at the Convention Centre in the 1st year of the Sex Expo.  Who would rock up to my ticket booth but none other than my biology teacher and his lady friend.  I didn't think his face could go any redder.  Good thing we all had a laugh ;)

But seriously, why would I want to meet up with a bunch of people from high school whom I never bother keeping in touch with nor wanting to see ever again.  True, we add each other on FaceBook, checked (a.k.a. stalked) each other's pictures out, nosing around, seeing how well their lives are compared to ours.

The bitch who made my life hell in high school..  Looking slightly wrinkly and orangey there aren't we?  Old crushes?  Best to leave them all behind.  After all, those that I consider close, I still keep in contact with, albeit barely.  We all grew up, got married and have our own family now and of course, through the years, make new friends and slowly, losing contact with old.  It is sad, but hey!  This is life.

Looking through some pictures, some have aged well, and did well with their lives.  Others, have aged quite badly or trying to reverse their aging with interesting consequences and.. let's not forget the pictures with all the children.  Everyone's goddamn FaceBook page has some sort of picture of their child or children..

So, would you attend your high school reunion?  I missed the 10th year, and definitely wouldn't be interested in the 20th...  I'm not really that curious on what everyone have been up to for the last 20 years and how well they have done in the last 20 years compared to mine.  No,  no, no... So, C'est La Vie!

p/s Whoops, my bad.  I think I have just let the cat out from the bag about my age.  Ahh well.. ;)

Xx

My new TV series addiction - The good wife...

I discovered this series when I was sick at home for a week and was watching this daily on TV..

But once I got better I started streaming them online from season 1. Now watching season 3, I'm still strangely so obsessed with this law drama.

I love the triangle of 2 men and a woman. I love how she's a woman in her 40s with 2 teenage children and still able to hold such power hold over men her own age. She's not beautiful nor sensuous or try hard to be. She has a mumsy, divorcee haircut but yet, men are drawn to her poker face, perfectly arched eyebrows.

Sometimes I have difficulty comprehending what the cases were about but I'll still continue watching as the chemistry between Will Gardner and Alicia Florrick is so strong, I felt pity for bridesmaid Will. It also helps that the men are all in suits and my knees do get weak with men in suits. Yep! 'Suits' is another TV series I'm hooked on.. It helps that the whole casts of 'Suits' consist of beautiful women and men,. *wipes drool off*

Never knew law dramas had this intense hold on me since the days of Ally Mcbeal.

This link really sums up the sex life of Alicia Florrick of my new favourite show!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/tnwhiskeywoman/the-sex-life-of-the-good-wife-alicia-florrick?s=mobile

Xx

Fair enough you have a kid, but please don't force that down my throat

Dear annoying mothers with child/ren,

Why do people with kids assume everyone else should have children?

Fair enough you have a kid but seriously, don't try to force the notion of 'I have a child, you should too' down my throat.

I really feel for us childless people out there, either by choice or just unable to conceive.

So please take a moment to think before starting conversations with 'when are you having a child?' Or worst still from the older generation 'you aren't getting any younger, shouldn't you start thinking about having a child?'

The next older person who starts this conversation with me will get a 'you aren't going to live forever, have you bought a coffin yet?' ;p

and to those smug mothers who have to deal with tantrum children, excuse me while I pack my bags for a weekend away in Europe.  I'll send you a postcard!

Cheers,

Xx

Being a fabulous guest!

When you are invited to someone's place for tea/party/lunch/dinner, do you bring a little something for your host as a 'thank you for having me'? Do you thank them again afterwards? Do you reciprocate and invite them over to your place in return?

Being brought up in an Asian household in the western world, I've been instilled from young to always bring a little something no matter how small and no matter how much the host protests otherwise.

Living here in Stockholm, you meet many expats from many different cultures, and sometimes I am quite amazed by the different etiquette or courtesies some individuals have...

I love inviting people over for catch ups and regularly throw fikas/parties/dinners/lunch. I love a mixture of people gathering together exchanging thoughts and life stories. Sometimes I'll invite someone I've just met and would like to get to know more of or just 'I'm not sure but I'll give you a try'. Those that I like and whom I think have lovely manners, I'll definitely invite over again and again but for whatever reason when you don't get invited back again... Welllllll............  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my parties are that greeeeat, but hey!! I'm a fabulous host, darling and trust me, you'll never go home hungry and if you are one of the last few to leave, you'll be bringing home loads of extra food ;)

So, here are some pointers to start you off for being a fabulous guest:

* always ask if host wants you to bring something for the event 

* always always bring a little gift, no matter how small as a 'thank you for having me'. Don't rock up empty handed just because the host said not to bring anything. It's always so lovely to get a little something, it's a lovely thought don't you think?

* when host requests a plate of something, please don't come with half ass plate of food (a plate of veggies) just enough to feed yourself or one other person or two (when everyone's baking, cooking or bringing wine) or rocking up with 4 little buns from the local grocery store and proceed to eat all the other food everyone else brought. 

* nobody likes a sponge. No matter how generous someone is, nobody likes a sponge

* if someone graciously invite you to their home, it's always nice to return the favor. Don't come up with excuses like,'my place is too small' 'it's too far' 'I'm not working' 'it's not my home' 'it's too messy'. Again, you are being invited into their home, obviously it is your company they sought after, so, it is always lovely to be invited back into your home, no?

* bringing wine to a party and leaving with your half finished bottle. It is just weird and so rude. I had friends back at university doing that which is understandable. We were poor then but we are adults now. Big difference there. 

* bringing cheap alcohol, drinking your hosts alcohol and bringing back your cheap alcohol. So cheap ;p

* thanking them for hosting and being such fabulous host before you leave is of course expected but thanking them again after, have you thought about that? Trust me, saying thank you is free and it's always nice to get it again after as well. (Especially those leaving with boxes of food or those who stay from Fikas to dinners)

* remember, nobody likes a sponge ;p

* have I missed anything, more comments please ;)

So, hoping to see some of you again in 2014!  More fabulous catch ups over a cup of tea or over a plate of food..

For those I kept inviting over and you are always here for some free chow, but I've yet to be invited over to your place for free chows... Well... No pressure... ;p

Until next time, keep staying fabulous!

Xx

For all the women out there, how well trained is your partner domestically?

After over 10 years together and nearly a year of marriage, I'm starting to question myself.  Why didn't I train S when I first had the chance.  Living here in Stockholm and watching my expats friends and their partners, it never cease to amaze me that the men here are very domesticated.

When having dinners or lunches at their place,  it's always the men who gets up to bring the food out or to clear the dishes while the women sit there chatting with the guests.  Me?  My man sits there on the couch like the king while I had to slave away in the kitchen, cooking, bringing out the food and later, clearing up.  Help with preparation of food beforehand?  You can well forget it!

We had so many dinners and parties here at our place and I have just come to realised, not once has he ever offered to help in anyway unless I made a fuss or bitch about it for hours.

I could only dream....

I remembered a reason 'pot luck' dinner he threw for his work team mates where I'm supposed to be doing minimal work as everyone will be bringing a dish... and on the invite specifically it states:  My wife and I will be making entree and dessert.  errr.. My wife and I?  Making?  Really?  Try The wife will be making everything while I sit here on my ass.  So, again I had to prepare and on the night of the dinner, while I was making things in the kitchen, while trying to yell for the Maharaja to come help, he send his 'teams' to the kitchen to help instead...  Yep.. The women!  Seriously =P  I think by this time I was just about to give up.

To be fair, when you ask him to do something, he'll do it, but if you don't give him any directions, he'll sit there and watch you clear the dishes.  Or when I yelled "S!  Can you help please?!?"  He'll jump up from his seat, shouting excitedly, "Yes! Yes! What can I do?" while looking quite lost.

This is an even better dream...

I believe all this starts from home.  Observing him at his parents from very early on, he'll eat and leave all his dishes in the sink expecting the cleaning fairy to magically clean up after him.  You'll be lucky as that's the only thing he'll do.  The rest of the dishes on the table.  You can forget it.  Someone else will of course clear the table, wipe and wash the dishes.  Which means that will be me helping his parents as I have to help out when I'm at his parents or I'll come looking like an unhelpful slob ;P

Even now, here at home, he'll finish his dinner, get up and recline on the couch, leaving his plate sitting on the dining table.  After having yelled at him numerous times, he's now a lot more helpful.  He'll at least move his dishes into the sink.  Washing up though is going to be hard.

Last night, he looked like he was cleaning up.. and I was actually quite impressed... But when I woke up this morning, dishes were waiting for me and the sink was filthy.  It looked like he was on the verge of cleaning, but something else caught his attention and he forgot about what he was doing and wandered off.  *sigh*

I guess the fault lies in me.  Moving here and not being able to work, I always thought it was my job to cook and clean since he works.  So, however much of a slob he was, I had to grit my teeth and pick up his dirty socks all over the floor, in different rooms, washed his clothes,  clean the place and make sure things are 'sort of' tidy and a hot meal waiting for him when he comes home.  As long as he doesn't bitch at me about not bringing in any income, I shouldn't really harp on about having to clean up after him right?  Really?

I would love to hear him say just a handful of times,  "Let me cook and clean while you sit there and relax, my precious"  "While you are sitting there, should I hoover and wash the clothes as well?"  It's not too much to ask right?

The men and women are so equal here in Sweden.  Both partners work and both help each other out domestically, no matter who brings home the most income.  But I've been to an expat friend's place and her partner obviously is the bread winner but he cooks and cleans more than mine ever would.  So, thoughts, anyone?  It'll be most welcome!

The purrrrfect house hubby!

Vanity.. Vanity is my middle name.. Or is it denial?

How many of us women buy clothes that are too small, in the hope that we will lose weight and fit into them?

Or...

Keep all our clothes, even though we have piled on weight and in no way will lose those weight anytime soon? Or just hoping that miraculously we will somehow fit into those clothes somehow... 

Yep! I'm guilty on both accounts!  As a woman in my mid 30s I've come to realized that clothes that looked good on me in my 20s, wouldn't necessary mean that they suit me anymore. Hint: I'm talking about those short skirts and low cut tops.  Never mind that my hips and tights have expanded beyond recognition .

I know a few women in my live who fall into my vanity book.  Why? Why do we keep tormenting ourselves about sizes.  Why do we keep grasping at straws, at our past hoping we will somehow miraculously lose those weight we have steadily gained while still eating the same amount and type of food we have consumed in the last few years?!

I don't care what other people would say. Some people might call it Denial.. Me? I insist it's all down to vanity.  It's vanity that have one slip into a too tight dress to a wedding, while wearing a wonder bra in the already unbreathable dress which caused friction.  "The dress is 2 years old and I can still fit in it!!" By the end of the night resulted in an awful looking blister. That my dear, is what you will remember of the wedding party! Not the beautiful bride and groom.  Not the food.  Not all the beautiful new people you have made.. But that huge blister which had you running to the doctor to check it out.. That my dear friend is .. Vanity! ;)

In the meantime, I will continue to hide my 2 sizes too small dresses and tops at the back of my wardrobe.. You'll never know! I could still lose all these weight I've slowly accumulated in the last few years.

Now, if you would excuse me, I think my jar of cookies are calling me...